Dealing with Resentment

Resentment is a complex, multilayered emotion that has been described as a mixture of disappointment, disgust, anger, and fear.

Throughout this year, I have noticed an unfortunate thing that happens in friendships: resentment. It’s an unfortunate stage in most friendshIps. But what does this stem from? Jealousy.

Jealousy is a normal trait in life, but it can be an unfortunate reality. Resentment is tricky and trying to decipher why someone resents you is an even bigger challenge.

Sometimes, this can come out of nowhere, especially if your friend is having a tough time in their life and not dealing with it well. Resentment should be addressed. Here are some signs that someone might be resenting you:

1. They’re NOT happy with the good things in your life.

Now, this is a blatant sign that someone is resenting you. Friendship is give-and-take. It’s about supporting each other through thick and thin — regardless of what it could be (i.e., a new job, a new relationship, etc.).

For example, if you tell your friend about a new job and they seem kinda off about it or their mood is questionable, then it could be resentment.

2. The distance is noticeable.

If you notice the distance between you and your friend, there‘s a chance there is some sort of resentment. Everyone needs distance, but if it becomes a problem for the both of you, then it might be time to discuss the issues upfront.

3. They’re lashing out at you.

Now, this is where the friendship can be strained. Let’s say your friend is mad at you for absolutely no reason. Friends know how to hurt each other. So, if they’re taking their anger and animosity out on you, there’s definitely some resentment happening.

These are just the top three signs of resentment. If you have experienced one of these three signs, then it might be time to address it and not its entirety. It may not be something you want to do, but sometimes talking about your issues upfront in a non-confrontational way can be beneficial. Here are some tips on how to deal with a resentful person:

1. Consciously acknowledge the resentment.

Resentment can build over time and if it’s not taken care of, it can lead to an explosive confrontation. One step is better communication to determine what’s bothering you. Once this is accomplished, it reduces the risk of miscommunication and resentment.

2. Investigate your role in resentment

Oftentimes, resentment can come from you perceive it. You may feel mistreated, but why? However, if your friend is resentful towards you, is there something that’s playing a role in how they feel?

3. Make a plan of action

Sometimes, how you handle resentment can add to the resentment on both ends. Take time to make a plan of action that will avoid resentment in the near future. This includes jotting down notes about when and why did it occur.

Resentment is a tricky situation and oftentimes you are stuck in the middle. Take these steps to avoid resentment.